


I'm A Doctor, Not Your Dating Service

by Eternal Scribe (Shadowcat)



Category: Star Trek (2009), Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-01
Updated: 2011-01-01
Packaged: 2017-10-14 07:03:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/146670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadowcat/pseuds/Eternal%20Scribe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kirk is a little too friendly with the nurses and its time for Bones to lay down the law... or at least try to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm A Doctor, Not Your Dating Service

On a ship as big as the Enterprise, it wasn't surprising that Leonard "Bones" McCoy had a long laundry list of complaints about things he just was not happy about. Some might say that it would take less time to list the things that he _was_ happy about as his complaints could last long into the hour if you happened to be there to listen to him.

Currently, the problem at the top of his list was his captain, Jim Kirk.

Oh, Jim was his best friend and no doubt about it, but he was also causing Bones no end of difficulties in trying to do his job as chief medical officer on the damn ship.

Less than one week. Four days. It didn't seem like that long of a time or anything that could be that big of a deal. However, when that period of time accounted for a nurse being late to her shift every day, then it added up to quite a problem in Bones' eyes. There weren't many nurses on the ship, and for each of his most recent shifts, the nurse that was supposed to be on duty had shown up late. Very late.

What did each nurse have in common? They had been with Jim the night before. Enough was enough and he was going to have to lay down the law for Jim. Being his best friend aside, Bones simply could not do his duty in the most effective way possible if his nurses weren't able to do their duties as well. It just wasn't possible. If there was a crisis -- and he was expecting there to be one at any minute, they were in space, for crying out loud -- then he wouldn't be able to do a damn thing if his nurses weren't at their stations and ready to work.

That would be why later that evening, Bones found himself outside of Jim's quarters. They needed to talk and this needed to end now.

"Enter." He heard Jim's voice from inside.

Bones stormed in, expecting to find his friend with another woman, but instead was surprised to see Jim on one of the couches, focused on a Data Padd.

"What are you doing?"

"Hmm," Jim said, not looking up. "I'm trying to study the history and culture of the next planet we're supposed to be exploring but some of their customs are hard to understand."

"Anything about the penalties for too much fraternization?" He asked in a dry tone.

That caught Jim's attention and he looked up, perplexed. "No? Is there something you know that I don't?"

"How to control myself," Bones answered immediately. "How to keep my impulse control issues from bleeding over into others' duties."

Jim raised his eyebrow. "Is there something bothering you, Bones?"

"As a matter of fact there is, Jim. We need to talk. We can do this friend to friend... or Chief Medical Officer to Captain. Which do you prefer?"

Jim Kirk looked at his best friend and frowned for a moment. "Am I going to get chewed out about something?"

"The likelihood of that is very good."

"Friend to friend then," Jim said with a decisive nod. "I've been told I have a problem with authority."

"I can't imagine why," Bones drawled coming in and taking a seat. He watched as Jim got up to pour them both a glass of bourbon and then sit back down again.

"What's on your mind, Bones?"

"My nurses, Jim."

He honestly looked confused and Bones had to refrain from smacking him upside the head once... or twice.

"What's wrong with your nurses?"

He sighed. "Nothing big, if you don't count the fact that a few of them aren't showing up for their duty shifts on time." He eyed his friend and captain. "Jim, I know that you pride yourself on being a ladies man and that you are usually able to have any woman you want to sleep with. However, I'm telling you that you need to leave my nurses off of that radar of yours. Four of my nurses have been late this week: Hamilton, Chapel, Montgomery and Zaan. And not just a little bit late, a lot late. The only thing that they've had in common is that each of them were with you the night before." He sighed. "Damn it, Jim. I'm a Doctor, not your personal dating service. I can't do my job as Chief Medical Officer if my staff is not ready and able to do their own duties."

Jim was silent as Bones spoke and he frowned as he thought about what was being said. It was true that he never would have been on the Enterprise to help save her and defeat Nero if it hadn't been for Bones sneaking him onboard. The last thing he wanted to do was repay his friend for all of that by making his job more difficult than it needed to be. The simple fact of the matter was that he owed Bones.

"So, are you asking me to stay away from your nurses and keep my hands off," Jim asked, the tone of his voice giving no hint to what he was thinking.

"As much as I would love to demand that, I'm not expecting you to suddenly live like a monk," Bones said dryly. "Even if it would be amusing for me to watch you try. What I do expect is that you don't do anything that makes my ability to take care of our crew any more difficult than space travel already makes it." He sighed. "If you want to spend time with a nurse, at least make sure she's not on the early roster for the next day. Use some moderation and respect for the other members of your crew." He looked at Jim. "Jim, your crew can't support their captain if he's making it hard for them because their crews aren't on time for their own duties. Making their jobs harder causes them to lose respect for you." He held up a hand. "Not that it has happened yet, I can assure you, but it can and will, Jim."

Captain James T. Kirk was silent for a long moment as he mulled over everything that Bones had been saying. It was true that he had been having dalliances with the women on the crew and not thinking about would happen the next day when they left his quarters late. Not once had it occurred to him that his actions could cause rifts between himself and his officers.

"Does anyone else know that you were coming to talk to me about this?"

Bones shook his head. "No, Captain. No one knew I was coming to give you an earful about my nurses and interfering with them doing their jobs." He gave him a shrewd look. "So, if you stop using the crew as your personal bordello, it would look to the others that you have decided to correct your behavior yourself. You save face and continue to earn their respect as you be the captain that we know you are and can be."

"You're a sneaky bastard, Bones."

Bones smiled at him. "It's part of my job," he said as he took a sip of the bourbon.


End file.
